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A Cult is Rising...

Discussion in 'ZeldaCraft' started by vayanui8, Jul 12, 2015.

  1. vayanui8

    vayanui8 Senior Bracer

    As we speak a new force is coming into existance on zc. A cult dedicated to a number of gods is surfacing. Formed from the remains of a fallen order last year, this cult not only has a number of Gods established then, but many new ones as well. This is the chronicle of those gods, to inform new believers
     
  2. vayanui8

    vayanui8 Senior Bracer

    Entry 1
    The ban-nana: The ban-nana is not a physical being, but a place of reality that developed its own thoughts. the ban-nana existed when nothing did, but it desired love (among other things) so it created everything we know. When angry, the ban-nana is known to ban people. It is capable of taking on a physical form if desired, and typically appears to be a large green banana that rides a chariot. it is truly mitghy, and is capable of invoking its banning power from any location at any time, from any location, for any reason, and to anyone. Whenever , however, whatever forever. Those who disobey the teachings of the ban-nana sometimes recieve a message similar to this: The Ban-nana Has Spoken!
     
  3. vayanui8

    vayanui8 Senior Bracer

    Entry 2:
    Shrek: Shrek is one of the ban-nana's strangest creations. When the ban-nana first felt the desire for companionship, he created Shrek. When Shrek was created, the ban-nana created more creatures, shrek became jealous however, and this lead to some uncomfortable encounters. An interview with one of the victims can be seen here. be warned as it contains some rather disturbing content. When the ban-nana relized he had wronged Shrek, he devoted more of his time to him, and delegated some of his power to Shrek to allow him the entertain himself. Shrek is now a just and powerful god, who follows the teachings of the ban-nana in a detailed manner and helps the servants when needed. He has gone on a number of his own adventures as well. A common prayer given to shrek before battles is: Shrek is love, Shrek is life. This pleases Shrek and allows followers to gain his favor in war.
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  4. vayanui8

    vayanui8 Senior Bracer

    Entry 3:
    Mara: Mara is the ban-nana's younger cousin. Mara tempts people of both genders. He shows his daughters to young men who do not follow the ban-nana's teachings, often ensnaring them in his trap. In the case of woman who refuse to follow the ban-nana's ways, he offers himself. Mara is known to be able to cast powerful fire magic that is able to penetrate the armor of its foes. Mara is also able to charge up its power to unleash more powerful single attacks in battle, and is unphased by conditions that would render others unable to continue such as paralysis. Mara is immune to physical damage as well, and is able to repel some magical damage, though it can drain a good deal of it's power to do so. Mara often rides into battle in dire situations. It is tradition for families to erect a statue of Mara when they have children.
    [​IMG]
     
  5. vayanui8

    vayanui8 Senior Bracer

    Entry 4:
    Lorenzo: Lorenzo is the bastard daughter of Shrek. Shrek disowned Lorenzo when she refused to follow the ways of the ban-nana. She is still worshiped by some in the army, as some believe Shrek truly desires to have a relationship with his daughter, but will not allow it to happen with his daughter on the wrong path. Her most recent endeavor has been an attempt to create her own civilization away from the teachings of the ban-nana. Said town is suspected to be an inevitable target for the followers, and the ban-nana himself may take action upon her soon.
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  6. vayanui8

    vayanui8 Senior Bracer

    Entry 5:
    Cory: Cory is a fierce god. His skills include Basketball, street fighting, and commanding gangs. Cory was not originally real, but after Cory in the House was determined to be the greatest anime of all time, Cory began to feel. He became a human for a short period of time, but soon ascended to a higher plane after finding favor with the ban-nana. Cory's current whereabouts are unknown, but one thing is known for sure: Cory is a busta.
    Cory-In-The-House-cory-in-the-house-994619_375_500.jpg
     
  7. vayanui8

    vayanui8 Senior Bracer

    Entry 6:
    Sent: Sent is known as the god of sex. A spelling error once led scholars to believe that he was a god of time. after hearing he was a master of secs, they interpreted it as seconds, thus a time god. However, this misunderstanding was soon corrected. A number of ancient scripts were discovered, all describing sents loving interactions with the warrior Slik.
    [​IMG]
     
  8. vayanui8

    vayanui8 Senior Bracer

    Entry 7:
    Muhammad: Muhammad is the god of terrorism. He has a large group of followers with varying beliefs. He originally wasn't a god of terror, but rather one of peace. However, a number of his followers became radicals, and split off. This cursed the name of Muhammad, and drug all of his worshipers with him. Muhammad standing with the cult is currently controversial. Some of his followers stick to the original teachings, and are great allies, but some are still corrupt and cause issues, leaving the name of Muhammad tarnished in the process.
    [​IMG]
     
  9. Benjehamaus

    Benjehamaus The Hero of Legend

    Do you know what you have done
     
    GreyCollared and Peter like this.
  10. vayanui8

    vayanui8 Senior Bracer

    Entry 8
    The Joker: The Joker's identity is unknown, and shall remain unknown to all. He also sent his blood into multiple hospitals, which were put into ordinary citizens, making more Jokers, and then those Jokers will give birth to even more Jokers. He died once, but nobody gives a fuck, for soon one fifth of the world's population will be plagued with JIV (Joker Immunodeficiency Virus) which will lead to Joker AIDS. However, the ones who worship him will remain pure. The Mayans uncovered that Joker AIDS will infect the world on April 20, 2069.
    [​IMG]
     
  11. BlaBlaBloid

    BlaBlaBloid Carlton Danks

    Y'all saying islam is a cult?
     
  12. vayanui8

    vayanui8 Senior Bracer

    no not at all lol. Its a commentary about how the terrorists who use islam as an excuse are giving it a bad name.
     
    LunaEostre and BlaBlaBloid like this.
  13. BlaBlaBloid

    BlaBlaBloid Carlton Danks

    Yeah re-reading that it's more evident. South park did an awesome satire on a similar topic with the Cartoon Wars episodes, although you've probably seen them judging from your pic
     
  14. vayanui8

    vayanui8 Senior Bracer

    yah, loved that episode. Its what gave me the idea to add him.
     
    BlaBlaBloid likes this.
  15. BlaBlaBloid

    BlaBlaBloid Carlton Danks

    "A jihad on family guy!"
     
    vayanui8 and Peter like this.
  16. Peter

    Peter Meme Machine

    South Parks fucking great lol.

    Vay we also need Chin Chin, Pink Guy, Red Dick, The Lemon Man and Prometheus. As well as Filthy Frank since he's the bridge between our world and theirs.
     
  17. vayanui8

    vayanui8 Senior Bracer

    more will be coming. The cult is a mighty one. The server will soon bow before us
     
    Peter likes this.
  18. Benjehamaus

    Benjehamaus The Hero of Legend

    ORE WA OCHINCHIN GA DAISUKI NANDAYO
     
  19. Peter

    Peter Meme Machine

    Ben you haven't watched enough filthyfrank. I can tell because you still have some chromosomes left.
     
  20. Sentinel_Baker!

    Sentinel_Baker! The Gambler.

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